Normally I would preface a post like this with: "I'm back!" or "Sorry it's been so long!" but I'm not going to give you, (as if anyone is still reading this blog) some meaningless platitudes.
Truthfully, I am not sorry it's been so long.
Truthfully, I am burned out.
Burned out on pretending like everyday I am so! cheerful! and happy! !!!!!!! Not that you probably think my life is roses and rainbows (or DOUBLE RAINBOWS, OMG WHAT DOES IT MEAN!?!?!?!) But I have gone back and read every post on this blog and truthfully, I am annoyed. This is not a blog I would read if it were not my own. I fell into the trap of writing about the fun stuff, the good stuff and I forgot to mention that oh yeah, sometimes life isn't fun. Sometimes I want to tear my hair out because my children are driving me up the wall and my husband is snoring and I'm going to smother him with a pillow.
If you've read this blog at all in the last three years then you are probably a scrapbooker or a friend I met through scrapbooking, or my mom. ;) I don't know how much of this blog is going to revolve around scrapbooking anymore. I will probably post pages once in awhile, but that will no longer be the focus. I guess I'm just promising to talk about the un-fun stuff too. To blog more. To be real-er. Yes, that's totally a word. Shuddup.
I'm not sure what the point of this entry is, other than to say that I find myself wanting to write again. I am writing again. I took a sabbatical from blogging and scrapbooking and started writing. I wrote a novel, I scrabooked for myself, a lot. I spent way more time with my family and I enjoyed myself.
We also had some heartache.
The last eight months have been a roller coaster for us emotionally. Our son Jake, who has always had sensory issues, was diagnosed with ODD, and has been in weekly OT counseling since then. We have grown so much as a family unit and I am bursting with pride for us. My son, once a child who could not stand to hear a toilet flush, who would run screaming from a high powered hand dryer, who covered his ears at his birthday party because he couldn't stand to hear people sing, is now a Kindergartner in a regular classroom who sings to me. The first day he came home and sang me a song, I cried. It was Yankee Doodle. Or, if you ask him, Yankee Noodle. :) His manic episodes are fewer and farther between, he has blossomed and bloomed and is a completely different kid. I am ridiculously proud of him.
Yesterday was our last day with Jake's first Counselor, Genell. She has been an integral part of our family, and became a friend. It's funny, Genell, though not an actual part of my family, knows more about me as a mother, Jim as a father, and more about how my children tick, than any other member of our immediate family. Genell brought us a parting gift yesterday afternoon, a tin of notes she had written to us, we are supposed to look at the notes every time we need encouragement, or a boost. She then had us write notes to each other and we read them. It was a crying fest all around.
I debated on whether or not to share the notes or not, because, to me it's a very intimate thing, but ultimately, I think they're worth sharing. Here are a couple:
- A good parent is not perfect. A good parent does the best they can and learns every day.
-It's better to take a break and think about what you are going to say than to have to go back and fix it.
-Attitudes are contagious. Is yours worth catching?
She included several personal notes for each of us, but I don't think I am going to share those, they are touching and I think, just a little too private.
She has no idea how much her words mean to me.
I will say that Genell has given me the confidence I needed to say that I am a good mom. I am not a perfect mom, but I am proactive about learning how to better myself and my family and I strive to make every day better than the last. And that's what it's about.
We will meet Jake's new couselor soon, it's a boy, Jake seems excited about the prospect of having a guy to talk to. But no one will ever replace Genell.
Thank you Genell for making my family stronger. I am forever grateful.