And I can SO relate. So much. Can't we all?
But what struck a chord with me, is not just Stephanie's heartfelt words and the way she writes with such unabashed honestly, but how thankful I am that I can relate to the feelings of being run ragged playing Supermom.
You see, for the last eight years I've been fighting an ongoing battle with my thyroid. I've posted about it before on this blog, but to keep the back-story short, I've got many cysts and nodules all along my thyroid gland that have being growing like crazy mutants. The largest one, which resides on the right side of my neck was estimated at the size of a golf ball. These cysts have caused me to have hypothyroidism and more recently, I was diagnosed with Hashimoto's disease. I have been struggling with this for so many years that I forgot what it was like to feel normal. To not be tired all the time. To not walk around in a constant state of freezing cold, to not have to write everything down because the brain fog turned my short term memory to crap, or the constant battle with the imminent weight gain that it causes and the depression it spiraled me into. To have the energy to put on pants in the morning. Seriously, I'm not joking, it was a concentrated effort to not wear pajamas.
I forgot how good life could be. Forgot what it was to have the energy and the drive to throw open the curtains and carry on with life's daily chores with a spring in my step and a song on my lips. I forgot that life was good, you guys.
I am so thankful that I have a husband who no only understands, but goes out of his way to support and care for me. If it wasn't for Jim the last few years especially, we would have been living in filth and starving because I did not clean or cook much at all. It took all the energy I had just to eat a meal. I think I've missed the last half of every movie we've ever watched in the last few years, because I'd fall asleep almost immediately. The brain fog that comes with Hashimoto's caused me to have ADD like symptoms and I could not concentrate on anything for long periods of time. I quit doing things that had deadlines because I was never sure I'd have enough energy to produce quality work on time. In short, I was miserable.
In January of this year I went back to my Endocrinologist for a follow up ultrasound and possibly another biopsy of the largest cyst, and I received some good news. Not only had it stopped growing, but it had calcified, which means that it's not cancerous. There was no need for a biopsy. I did have an occurrence of more nodules, but he didn't seem too concerned about them, so that is always good to hear. My doctor put me on a new regimen of meds, a much higher dosage, and I began taking them faithfully. I take meds three times a day at specific times, always with a full glass of water, and it's hard to remember them every single time every single day, but I'm doing it.
But I feel SO much better.
It's as if the Heavens' have parted, and the sun has shown directly down upon me. I am awakened. It's an incredible feeling. To one day wake up, and suddenly you are alive. More alive than you have been in at least five years.
So I wake up now, at 6:45am on the dot-sometimes I am up before the alarm! And I rejoice quietly in my head as I lay there in bed for 15 more minutes and wait for Jim's alarm. Sometimes I watch him sleep and sometimes I tell myself to just lay there and be for a few more minutes, but my feet are itching to get up and start the day.
My house is clean, my dishes are done, my laundry is caught up. I happily make beds, pick up dirty clothes, and bake things from scratch. These may seem like small occurrences to some people, but to me, it's a miracle. I have cooked dinner every night for the last month. I am LOVING it. I joined allrecipes.com and have compiled menus I want to try.
I no longer dread when the kids want me to play with them, because I have the energy to do it now. I have the energy to dance with my daughter and chase the boys around the house. I have the energy to ease the burden I put upon my husband.
I feel so good. So alive.
I am so thankful.